“Care” and “Home” aren’t supposed to be dirty words

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People in my family don’t generally live long enough to need rest homes.

Cigarettes, alcohol, genetic predispositions to diseases that kill them fairly young — it’s just never been something we’ve had to deal with.

The few people in my family who I can remember living to very ripe old ages continued living by themselves or with a family member who was as much companion in old age as caretaker. But I know a number of people whose families are now in a position where grandparents or great-grandparents can no longer care for themselves — and a number are so far gone or in need of such great and constant care that the family can’t handle it alone.

But when you say: “Have you thought about a rest/retirement home or caretaker?” it seems so…cold.

I guess we’re still programmed, deep down, to think that we should care for those in our families as long as we can, whether or not we’re really able to give them the care they need.

I watched my mom care for my grandmother as she died very slowly — and I know that it meant a lot to both of them. But she was still all there mentally, though her body was failing. When it gets to the point where the elderly aren’t sure where they are, who’s living and dead, what year it is — at that point I don’t think it’s so bad to admit you need something and someone to help you with them.

There are websites like Bettercaring.com to help you find a care home, learn about the kind of care their loved ones might need, find it and get care questions answered.

That’s half the battle, I suppose.

How you make the decision ultimately, I have no idea.

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